Single people are often stereotyped as unhappy, lonely, or unfulfilled. In today’s world, where romantic relationships are idealised, being single is a deliberate choice for some people as it allows them to focus on personal growth, pursue their career, or live on their terms. While some are single by circumstance, others have various reasons for being single.
Few people shared their opinions with us on this topic, as they view it from different perspectives.
Why are most people single?
In Israel Adesola’s words, being single comes with a lot of peace and freedom, as there is no saga of wanting to please your partner when it comes to who to associate with and who not to roll with.
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‘For me, being single is not necessarily having to worry about another person, and it frees me from all kind of relationship stress and allows me to focus solely on my grind,’ Adedoyin Oguntade said.
How, then, do single people survive?
One major downside of being single is that single people often experience higher levels of loneliness due to the lack of a partner for social support and the feeling of being excluded in a couple-centric setting, and this can lead to isolation.
Amoye Favour says, ‘It gets lonely a lot of times. However, I work on that by interacting with friends of the same gender, and that makes the loneliness go away. Other times, I watch a movie, I eat or sleep.’
According to Favour, there is a misconception that the opposite gender sometimes takes his acts of platonic care and love for something more romantic, and this is mostly tricky because people sometimes find it difficult to tell if he is interested or not. To avoid this, he sets boundaries and ground rules, and when they don’t work, he expresses himself through communication, knowing that he tends to lose a good friendship.
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Omolola said, ‘I spend time with my female friends a lot, and it comes with so much joy and laughter. Sometimes we go on dates and even had sleepovers.’
How do singles deal with societal pressure to be in a relationship?
With oppression everywhere, both online and offline, ranging from surprise packages to marriage proposals, lovey-dovey videos to pressure from both friends and family, Favour, Adedoyin, and Israel share how they deal with pressure.
‘I don’t care about it,’ says Adedoyin Oguntade. ‘I do what I feel is best for me, not minding what other people say about it.’
‘Societal pressure will always come. However, contentment and a firm resolve in what you want in a partner would ensure that you will be just fine.’ Favour added
Israel takes a step further, saying, ‘Well, all I think about is, ‘Do I have what it takes to be in a relationship?’ Besides, I’m not moved by any relationship activity, and I try so much to avoid watching relationship videos and reels.’
Singlehood, Self-love, Personal Growth and Development
Omolola affirms that her singleness has a huge effect on her personal growth and the way she treats herself. She said, ‘Ever since I stepped out of my last relationship, I’ve been achieving one thing or the other that I had never thought I would have done when I was in a relationship.’
‘Being single has given me time to work more on managing my anger, emotions and figuring out what makes me happy,’ Israel said.
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Favour said that being single has helped him tremendously, as he sees it as trying to climb a hill. The lighter he is, the faster he climbs. ‘Being single allows you to zero in on your goals, without having to channel that energy somewhere else.’ he added.
Single people tend to be more successful than those in a relationship, would you agree?
According to Favour, he would sit on the fence as there are no solid cases to defend this notion. But there is a saying that if you want to fast, go alone. If you want to go far, together. He takes it a step further, saying, ‘I do believe that it now comes to the individual to choose which one he so desires.’
‘I do not believe that, what matters is for one not to lose sight of one’s goal,’ Adedoyin added.
Struggling to come to terms with being single? Here is some advice.
Accept it—it’s not a curse; it’s a phase. This phase could bring some of the most beautiful things into your life. Just as every baby learns to crawl before walking, you, too, will find love. But for now, embrace singlehood and appreciate its beauty. — Favour Amoye
Enjoy being single for now and focus on personal development so that your future relationship will be a smoother journey. — Israel Adesola
Being single is not a crime. It may take time, but it’s worth the wait. So, live in the moment and enjoy it. — Omolola Williams
Singleness is not a deficiency or weakness but rather a natural part of life that has both benefits and challenges. Regardless of the reason for being single, it is clear that singlehood is not the same experience for all. It’s up to you to define what singlehood means to you and make the most out of this chapter in your life.